I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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