bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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