he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
