you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
