You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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