just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
