YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
