I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
