Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
of course. lets lasso hookers.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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