That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
