Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What a dumb baby whore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
