where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
