my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
