I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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