I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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