This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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