I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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