I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.