I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
