someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
