what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
