Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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