The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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