you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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