I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
