Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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