it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
