I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
