yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
