It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
only if we run a train.
done.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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