My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
