I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
