I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
