We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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