I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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