Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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