Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
