i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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