? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
