the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
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Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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