im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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