She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
