So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just shotgunned beers for America
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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