I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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