i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
