I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
