3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
