I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
BRING THE BAGELS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
