tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't turn off my feet"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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