Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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