Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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