It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
