did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
