dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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