I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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