No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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