she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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