i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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