I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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