Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
