i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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