yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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