mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
