he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
