3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
