A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
