keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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