This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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