she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
