you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
