you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
