Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
