someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
