I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
