Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
