R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
