its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
