chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
