Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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