I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
