it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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