and you said cock pushups were impossible
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
