Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
