just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
