I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
