I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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