Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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