Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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