oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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