He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Drake has all the answers
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
